Back when i did the reiki 1 course I recall getting spontaneously angry, just waiting for a bus – an emotional reaction quite out of character. I am now finding similar reactions. I would describe myself now as more tetchy, irritable, angry on occasion. I am reacting in my usual fashion of letting it pass or trying to but it is unusually common at this time.

There are two possible sources – works a bit more stressful at present although to be fair I have usually been able to disassociate the rest of my life from work quite easily to date. The other possible cause – and this is why I mention my reiki 1 experience, is that my current activities trying to meditate and working through the accupuncture points associated with the microcosmic orbit (taoist meditation technique) are releasing this energy, these emotions and it seems that this is to be expected.

Its an odd side effect. One wouldn’t imagine that breathing and meditation techniques would have this effect. I am now more aware of feelings of pressure around some of these points and finding that I have to conciously relax and ‘smile’ to free myself of them.

an odd thing i thought i would share.

chi gung and the whole taoist meditation has been a bit of a side hobby for me, that is to say an interest brought about by my interest in t’ai chi. Anyhow, I’m starting (I think) to get a good academic grounding in the early stages of developing energy and to a degree how it relates to t’ai chi. Starting to… after about 14 years.

What have I learnt recently?

Well, I’ve read the first two chapters of a book by mantak chia called: bone marrow nei kung. This is the largely secret art of enhancing your bone marrow, blood and body by focusing on the bones.

I’ve learnt a few things from these first few chapters. Firstly, and this is an odd one, I’m not ready to read it. Sounds mad doesn’t it? The content discusses how one should move ones focus, ones concentration around your body to bring about certain changes. Now imagine you’re reading a book that says focus on your belly button – try reading that without doing it! I couldn’t I’ll admit, I was reading passages and finding that at some points I was having a go without meaning to. A fairly meaty headache told me I wasn’t doing things quite right – but the book has spurred me on to practice some of the basics first before gathering all the knowledge I can.

An interesting lesson.

So this is why things are not taught before you’re ready – cos you’re not ready!!!! marvelous.

What else did I learn?

erm.

well, its not all magic. its based on simple things, meditation and using the bodies hormones to grow.

i’ll leave it there for now methinks

Thats a quote from one of the t’ai chi classics – a set of texts concerning t’ai chi that were found some time ago. If you’re interested have a look at the wudang site.

I have had a few occasions to re-read texts on chi gung and some simple taoist exercises of late and discovered that I had not understood them. I’ve gone on to read them again and found again that I did not understand them. Perhaps I will have to read the same text and practice the same thing a thousand times and I will understand. Clearly I am not ready to really listen to the message.

On that note I discovered what is meant by “listen to the sound of one hand clapping”. Quite interesting. It’s a meditative listening exercise. Once you have listened to all the created sounds, all that is, then you will hear the uncreated sound – that which isn’t – the sound of one hand clapping. wierd idea. there’s a name for the sound – AUM.

So, my academic understanding of all this stuff has improved.

Has my practice? Well – I just practiced an exercise I’ve been doing since I was 14 and this time it was different, uncomfy a little – my belly felt full and distended like a balloon had been inflated in there. With no taoist master and an academic path relying on books I must try to find out what this means. Perhaps I should ask for help.

The feet can walk; let them walk. The hands can hold; let them hold. Hear what is heard by your ears; see what is seen by your eyes.

TAOIST VERSE

borrowed from page a day calendars.

I’ve read a lot lately. It’s occured to me that I may have a good academic understanding of the a few of the essential principals but I have had difficulty applying them. To say I have an academic understanding for me, I guess means I have a detached, non-practical understanding. This in itself is part of why I’m interested in T’ai chi – particularly the martial applications.

Perhaps this is why so many of these philosophers were martial artists and warriors. In the heat of battle if you are uncertain of the path then you pause, you decide what the thing to do is and then do it, rather than simply doing it.

One of the key elements is to be present. I believe this is referred to by the last two lines above – hear what is heard by your ears; see what is seen by your eyes. This also alludes to another key principal – don’t let your conscious mind alter what you see. A child is present – in the moment, not worried about things done and what is to come. Also, a child experiences the true moment – far more than an adult. As an adult I will listen to what someone says but will not remember that – I will remember my analysis, my interpretation based on schemata (to use a cognitive psychology term) in my conscious mind.

So these two simple lines that would most likely make people chuckle at their simplicity represent two of the hardest things I am trying to learn and I have it seems failed.

I believed I had an ability to be present – you must in order to practice T’ai chi well. After reading a book called “The present” it occurred to me that while I have the ability – I don’t do it! How bizarre is that? I know what it is, the benefits and yet I distract myself when I should be present.

I have also discovered that when I am present I am not good at listening – be it by ear, eye, touch or all my senses. I hear, see and feel but through the veil of my conciousness. It is this in part that leads to me being chucked around rather easily in the free-style pushing hands sparring I’ve started taking part in on Thursday nights. A martial demonstration of my mental discipline.

I now find that perhaps I don’t understand the whole verse. I have an idea what part of it means but as you can read above – and with some irony – I read the verse and interpreted the part my consciousness was able to interpret and didn’t analyze the rest till now.

oops…

muffin with pouch full